Adages related to family life of Kabir Saheb

There are many adages related for the family life of Kabir saheb. Many people believe that Kabir was married and raised a family despite living an ascetic life… they regard Loi as his wife, and Kamaal and Kamaali as his son and daughter respectively. But there is no authentic proof supporting this hypothesis. There is no description in the written history and literature of Kabir's wife anywhere. Of course, Kabir saheb was a Grihasth saint. But being a Grihasth saint does not mean that Kabir saheb was leading a married life. He had always opposed the tendency of deserting home and family and stay in the forest to observe penance. He stood in favour of staying at home, doing labour to earn a living and at the same time singing devotional songs. Thus Kabir saheb stay home all through his life, did hard labour and observed severe penance, hence he came to be known as a Grihastha saint. Every thing can be obtained at home – Yoga and Bhog. Kabir said that the same mind loiters in the Jungle and stays at home. So why not train the mind right at home.

On the bank of the Ganges, lived a Vanakhandi sage. Kabir used to meet him regularly. One day, when both the saints were talking to each-other, some object arrived there tied in a Loi (bundle) and floating on the waters of the Ganges. They at once recovered the bundle form and found a little girl in it. Since she was tied in a Loi, she got the same name Lio. She began to live at the hermitage of Vanakhandi sage. After the death of Vanakhandi sage, Loi began to live at the hermitage of Kabir. But there she lived as Kabir saheb's disciple and not as her wife. But this seems to be more a folklore than reality. In Kabir-vaani or in any contemporary literature, there is no mention of Loi as the wife of Kabir saheb.

Kamaal lived at a hermitage near Jhunsi. He was on expert of Pranayama and holding his breath for long. One day, when he held his breath up, it remained hold for long. The inmates of the hermitage thought that Kamaal was dead, so they cast him into the Ganges, Coincidentally, Kabir saheb was in Jhunsi that day he was taking bath in the Ganges when Kamaal came floating their. Kabir saheb understood that it was not a cadaver, but a living person. He got him fished out and made him to release his breaths. Kamaal then got-up as if from a deep shimmer. Many more saints were also bathing there. When they saw Kabir resurrecting a dead person, all of them said in amazement – Kabir saheb, you have done Kamaal (wonder) today. Since then the found man came to be known as Kamaal and began to live with Kabir saheb. Kabir also regarded him as his son. Kamaal, later on became a reputed saint in the lineage of Kabir –

Buda Bans Kabir Ka, Upaja Poot Kamaal !

Two types of lineage are identified one based on beliefs (Naad vansh) and the second that starts physically (Vind vansh). Tradition of disciples forms the lineage of the saints. That is based on the belief (Naad vansh). Kamaal was also an influential saint and held the sway in Kashi… and had a reputation among the saints.

One day, a rich businessman invited Kamaal to his home for Satsanga. After the Satsanga and feast the businessman saw him off giving him some gold coins. But Kamaal was a true ascetic like Kabir, he also never accepted money at such occasions. So, Kamaal plainly refused to accept those coins from the business man. But the businessman some how managed to insert many coins into the turban of Kamaal.

When Kamaal Saheb returned to the hut and removed his turban, the coins fell on the ground. Kabir saheb was also sitting there at that time. Seeing the coins falling on the ground he commented satirically – Now you have begun to collect wealth in Satsangs. Of course Kabir saheb did not know that the businessman had secretly inserted those coins into the turban of Kamaal Saheb. But those worlds, spoken satirically, came to be known after Kamaal saheb's name -

Booda Bans Kabir Ka, Upaja Poot Kamaal !
             Rama-Naam Chhodi kai, Ghar Le Aya Maal !!

But Kamaal saheb was a saint who followed life-long the ideals of Kabir saheb. Kamaal saheb never created his own philosophy, but regarded the Vaani of Kabir saheb as whole and inspired the people to follow that. He himself led his life according to the Vaani of Kabir. After the demise of Kabir, KamaaL saheb was asked to continue the tradition of Kabir saheb (Kabir-parampara). But Kamaal saheb was a whimsical saint, so he left Kashi and migrated to Gujarat. His Samadhi (memmorial) is in Ahmedabad. Some people say, however, that his Samadhi is in Magahar also.

Kamaali was the daughter of Shekh Taqi. She used to always remain ill. Shekh Taqi had come to Kashi with Sikandar Lodhi and witnessed the miracles and greatness of Kabir saheb. Shekh Taqi lived most of the time in Jhoonsi. When Kabir saheb visited Jhoonsi, Shekh Taqi invited him to his home. In Kashi also, prolonged spiritual discussion used to take place between them. So they had become fast friends. When Kabir saheb visited Shekh Taqi's home, Taqi's daughter was bed-ridden due to years long illness. Feeling pity over her, Kabir saheb asked her stroking her head gently -–Why do you remain ill, daughter ?

Shekh Taqi said – Kabir saheb, God knows what has happened to this girl. She has been lying on the bed for many years. Kabir saheb said – It is all Allah's wish. He is the performer of every thing. Nothing can happen without his kindness. From today now this girl shall be all right. Allah has begun to bestow his mercy on her.

As soon as Kabir sahib uttered these words, the girl began to feel better. Seeing the improvement in the girl's health, Shekh Taqi said – Kabir saheb, you have shown Kamaal (wonder) today. After some days, the girl migrated to Kashi and began to live at the hermitage of Kabir saheb as his daughter. Later on, she was married in Multan. But her life after marriage was a painful one. Hence, at one place, she had said that she was better in her spinster hood rather than as a married woman.

Kabir saheb used to live at his home, but he had renounced everything… preached everyone about the way to salvation in toil and hard labour. It was even necessary in the time of Kabir saheb. Had not Kabir saheb developed this path, the way of Sadhana ( Mental training ) and salvation would have been lost. Hence he developed the tradition of working saints. It was meant by Grihasth saint that one should live in the world and feel the miseries of the world in heart and depart ultimately to attain salvation. Kabir saheb lived his life exactly according to this philosophy. That is why he is regarded as an ideal person even today.

Like Sanakadik sagas, Kabir saheb was also an abstained saint, free from passion and come passion. Kabir saheb used to say that a woman did not look good near Sanakadik sagas and saints… If somehow a woman manages to stay near the saints, she would definitely put blemish on them at any time… such as one can not avoid getting his hands black if he handles a black Haandi (earthin pot) -

Naari Nahin Sobhai, Sanakadik Ke Saath !

Kabahun Kai Daag Lagavahin, Kaari Haandi Haath !! From the unbiased evaluation of Kabir's Vaani and his personality, it never appears that Kabir saheb's lived as a married. There is no other saint in India. Who has praised so much about the importance of celibacy. Speaking about the importance of one drop of semen, Kabir saheb says to Kazi that protecting that one drop of semen, a man can achieve immortality -

Ek Boond Dei Nahin Jharanaa, Ta Kazi Ko Jara Na Marana ! Abiding by the celibacy, a man can put off his old age for ever and get rid of the cycle of life and death. It would not be just to associate such a saint, who has so much praised the adherence to celibacy, to the married life. Whatever anecdotes are found of Kabir saheb's family life, are totally imaginative. There are no authentic evidences that could support those anecdotes. Even in Kabir Vaani and contemporary history. There is no mention of Kabir's married life. Pundits had off course tried to defame Kabir saheb many time paying wretched women and attaching them with Kabir saheb in the mid-market. Kabir saheb had to face such allegations many times in his life. But every time, he accorded full honour to those wretched women like his own mother and sister. Kabir saheb knew that art of winning the favour of all, so the Pundits and Mullahs never succeeds in their conspiracies.

If Kabir saheb had a wife, it would not have been necessary to defame him exposing his alleged relations with wretched women and vamps. Also, attempts are not made to defame a married man by frequently showing his relations with the wretched woman. There were scores of women, who came forward at the behest of jealous Pundits to defame Kabir saheb, but got so influenced by him that they accepted his disciple hood and began to live at his hermitage. Such a great are the life and philosophy of Kabir saheb, but the people are so ignorant that they keep on making petty allegations on him.

During the medieval period womenfolk was simply an object of amusement and a means to satisfy sexual drives of Naths and Sidhas, royalties and even common men were not behind. Kabir saheb has criticise woman and declared her a way to the hell only to undo the physical attraction for her so that people could abstain from unnecessary indulgence in sensual pleasures with women and live a peaceful life of asceticism. On the other hand Kabir saheb overwhelmingly praises the chaste women. He says that a woman is the mother, and sister. A woman is so respectable and so venerable that even Prahlad, Dhruv and all of us have taken birth from her. If a woman is chaste, she deserves to be worshiped, if characterless then she gave the way to hell.

There are many incidences of Maya in Kabir saheb's life. Many times, Maya comes to dodge him or to provide him with all the comforts. But kabir saheb says – I am a devotee of Rama and always in his refuge. ‘Maya’ your magic will not affect me. Maya says – Kabir, I have come from the heaven and I have come to provide you with far greater comforts than is available in the heaven. Come on, accept me, all the comforts and luxuries will be attracted to you.

As the insistence of Maya increases, Kabir saheb says – If you wish to live with me, you can live with pious feelings. I have a mother at my home, if you wish to live there as my Maasi (mother's sister). I will accept you. At another place, Kabir says to Maya – If you wish to live as a sister with my mother, I will gladly accept you.

Thus Kabir saheb regards and accepts, in his couplets, Maya or other women as his mother's sister or his own sister. Nowhere he says that… I have one wife or two wives, you come with me as my third wife –

Tum Ghari Jahu Hamari Bahanan, Vish Lagain Tumhere Naihan !
                        Ajan Chhandi Niranjan Raate, Na Kisi Hun Ka Dena !
Bali Jaun Taki Jini Tum Pathai, Ek Mai Ek Bahana !
                      Jati Julah Naam Kabira, Bani Bani Firau Udasi !

Aasi-Paasi Tum Fir-Fir, Vaiso Ek Mau Ek Maasi ! Thus there is no authentic proof for Kabir saheb's wife, still the intellectuals have tried to prove that Kabir saheb had three wives. In Granth saheb, there is a stanza that Kabir saheb has addressed to Asha (expectation), Trishna (desire) and Bhakti (devotion). But ignoring the allegory, the intellectuals have tried to prove that they were the names of Kabir's three wives. Such intellectuals, who are submerged in the darkness of ignorance, should have better avoided to write a commentary on Kabir saheb. By their action, these intellectuals create confusion about Kabir saheb. Should they face any problem in understanding the mysterious and allegoric stanza of Kabir saheb, they must consult the matter with Kabir-panthi saints and intellectuals. Because only these Kabir-panthi saints fully understand the cryptic meaning of the traditional Kabir-vaani. For example, take the following couplet –

Meri Bahuriya Ki Dhaniya Naun, Le Rakhaun Ramajaniya Naun !
             Ek Thee Kurupa Aur Duje Sarupa !

In the couplet, Kabir saheb recounts the names of his three Bahuriyas (wives). One with the name Dhaniya, is Bahuriya became Ramajaniya. She moves in all the households,. In fact, it is hope that everyone keeps in his heart, which Kabir saheb describes as Ramajaniya. Hope does not leave the houshold of a single person Second wife is Trishna (desire) that Kabir saheb has described as Kurupa (the ugly one), and the third wife is Sarupa (the pretty one), which kabir saheb has used in the sense of devotion. There is one more stanza in Granth saheb –

‘Ye Balak Kaise Jeeve Raghurai, Isaki Raksha Karai Khudai.’

Most of the intellectuals interpret this stanza in the sense of Kabir saheb’s children, that Kabir saheb does not do anything for a living, O God ! how would these children, be raised ? Only the Khuda can protect them now. But actually, the meaning of this stanza is self-explicit. Thinking about all the human beings, Kabir saheb says – How would the welfare of these children be assured ? They come in this world, but never take to singing devotional songs or worship that almighty Paramatma. God knows if they would ever get the human body again. O God ! show them the correct path of living in this world. You are the only one. Who can protect these children. All the living beings in the world are the children of God (Paramatma).

Many adages and folklore have also been created about Kabir saheb. The reason for so many adages and folklore associated with Kabir saheb is that he always spoke the truth. Since speaking truth is generally disliked by the common people, hence so many adages and folklore were created an attempt to defame Kabir saheb. These adages and folklore are thus no more than the part of many such attempts made to defame Kabir saheb. With time, these came to become an integral part of the social life and personality of Kabir saheb. Hence one should not accept all that is confusing. Life and personality of Kabir saheb have been as pure and holy as the Ganges is.

It is absolutely unjust as well as nonsense to draw conclusion from his couples, that Kabir saheb had a married life. Unjust and nonsense because nowhere in those stanzas and couplets had Kabir said anything about his private or family life. If we begin to interpret from those couplets about Kabir’s family life, there are many more stanzas and couplets that present Kabir saheb as a woman –

Dulhini Gavahu Mangalchar !
          Hamare Ghar Aye Ho Raja Raam Bhartaar !
Tan Rat Kari Main Man Rat Karidun, Panch Tat Baraatee !
              Raamdev Morai Panhune Aaye, Main Jovan Main Maati !

Kabir saheb has a broad view regarding love. Who has known the element of love, he has known everything. In the field of love, love between the spouses is really unique in itself. Kabir saheb has associated the love of the spouses to the Supreme Being. Not only this, assuming him self to be the wife, Kabir saheb makes formal marriage with the Supreme Being.

Words like Bhartaar ( husband ), Tan-Rat ( physical intimacy or indulgence ), Man-Rat ( mental intimacy or indulgence). Barati ( members of he marriage procession ), Joban ( Youth ) and Maati, express the broadness and relish-ness of Prem-ras ( a stream of Hindi literature that is devoted to love.) –

Kahai Kabir Hame Byaahi Chale Hain, Puris Ek Avinasi !

The Pati ( Lord ) of Kabir saheb is not a tangible Leeladhari (one of the incarnations of God ), but He is intangible, Paramasatta Parameshwar (Supreme Being) who is the Lord of everyone.

Some of the words, used by Kabir saheb, like Sant (saint), Bahuriya (wife or bride), Khasam (husband), Byaahi (marriage), Dulaha (bridegroom), Sindoor (Vermilion), Cholana (applying vermilion in the parting line of hair of a married woman), Deedar, Jagana (having first sight of the bride and groom), Sundari (pretty woman), Mangalachaar (auspicious singing at the arrival of bride and groom), Virahini (separated woman), Suhaag (living husband) etc. can be interpreted as the words expressing love between the spouses. Who else, for Kabir saheb, can be the Ram (husband or Lord) other than that Paramtatva (Supreme being) ? Of course no one. But finding such a husband is not that easy. Whoever, till date, has found such a husband, has found after prolong during in the flames of Sadhana (mental training). Such a beloved husband is obtained only when the love illuminates the heart. When the husband is not obtained, fire of separation begins to burn in the heart of the bride. This fire is indeed lethal. In the love of the spouses, Kabir saheb plays the role of the wife and uses vermilion also –

Kabir Rekh Sendoor Ki, Kajal Diya Na Jaya !
      Nainun Ramahaya Rami Rahaya, Dooja Kahan Samaya !!

But on the basis of these couplets, Kabir saheb can not be proved a woman-though he repeatedly declares himself as the Bahuriya (bride) of Rama. He regards Rama as his husband. Had the literature not accepted the love of the spouses, Kabir saheb would have definitely been proven to be a woman, exactly like the intellectuals had proved the existence of his three wives in their explanation of Kabir’s spiritual couplets. There are many more couplets, which have different mysterious and allegoric meanings from their apparent meanings.

Kabir saheb repeatedly says –

Vastu Antai Khoje Antai, Kyon Kar Aavai Haath !

That is, the thing is placed at some place and searched at another, how it would be found then ?

In a couplet of Beejak, Kabir saheb says that he has illuminated both the clause. My present world has been put in right condition and the next world will also be all right – because in the home of my parents I have devoured twelve lovers, who were in the form of husbands similarly of devoured sixteen lovers in the home of my in-laws... tied my mother-in-law and sister-in-law to the pole of my cot, on which of sleep... I even separated the Bhasur (elder brother of husband) from me...

Mai Main Eino Kul Ujiyari !
     Barah Khasam Naiharai Khayo, Sorah Khayo Sasurri !
         Sasu Nanad Patiya Mili Rakhalaun, Bhasurhin Paralau Gari !

Jaraun Mang Main Taasu Nari Kee, Jin Saravar Rachal Dhamari ! If this couplet is explained only on the verbal basis, it would appear that Kabir saheb presents himself as a woman and recounts his experience in the homes of his parents and of the in-laws... speaks of the incidents through mother-in-law, sister-in-law, elder brother-in-law and neighbours, which take place with a newly-wed bride in the home of her in-laws. But through this allegory, he in fact discusses about spirituality. It is totally wrong to associate these spiritual allegories to the mundane conduct or interpret them like as such.